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I was Blind, but Now I See

January 17, 2014 by Donna Stoneham

It’s so easy to sleepwalk without realizing that’s what we’ve been doing.  Sometimes we experience situations in our work and lives that rock our world and help us see that we’ve been caught in a trance, that our ideas about the world are not necessarily the way things are.  Often it takes a jolting event to wake us up.

These wake-up calls often occur through an unexpected loss of something we hold dear―the death of a loved one, losing a job our family is dependent on for support, not receiving a promotion we expected, a betrayal by a spouse.  It can even be something so outside the realm of our everyday experience it makes us stop and question everything we thought was true about the world.  As challenging as these experiences are, they open our perspective and help us grow.  When we’re sleepwalking, we bump into obstacles in our path, often blaming them for getting in our way.  When we wake up, we can tap into insight that helps us be more mindful about how and where we want to go, even in the darkness.

I was recently awakened from an episode of sleepwalking.  In December, I traveled on a medical mission to observe eye camps in villages in northeastern Nepal.  I went with a group of donors and staff from The Seva Foundation whose mission is to “help prevent blindness and restore sight worldwide.”  I made that trip with the intention of observing how my donations were helping others see.  I returned from that journey three weeks later realizing the person most in need of sight was me.

The conditions on much of our trip were rough by western standards. I quickly realized how privileged I was―that there were more blessings in my life than I could count that I simply took for granted.  Even simple things.  Hot water to take a shower, food in my stomach when I was hungry, heat in my house when nights were cold, paved roads that would safely deliver me to my next destination, proper sanitation, safe water to drink, and air that I could breathe.  Not to mention the bigger things like deeply meaningful work, a nice home, a loving family and wonderful friends.

Many of the people who came to the eye camps in Nepal had walked from one to three days to get there.  Some came barefoot.  Hanging on the arm of a relative, they traversed the woods from their villages by daylight and stopped to rest along the chilly roadside at night.

Seva Eye Camp PatientOne man I remember from the eye camp in Khandbari had been bilaterally blind for six months, but actively losing his sight for several years.  The first day we met him, his shoulders were slumped, his head was bent down in dejection and he looked broken.  But the next day, after spending the night on a thin wool blanket in a shed on the concrete floor with the other patients, his bandages from his cataract surgery were removed and he was able to see again.  Tears rolled down my cheeks as I observed a smile as big as Texas unfurl across his weathered face.  He lifted his hands in the universal sign of gratitude and offered a “Namaste” to the doctor who helped him regain the gift of sight.

The beautiful people we met at the eye camps in Nepal awakened me to how much I have to be grateful for in more ways than I can count.  They opened my eyes to a world I’d never seen before, but even more importantly, they opened my heart to a deeper level of compassion for the suffering I see and experience around me, whether it’s a homeless person on the street or a leader in a corner office charged with laying people off in a corporation.

The people at the eye camps helped me recognize the profound privilege I have, and along with that, my responsibility to do whatever I can to make a difference in the lives of those I serve, as well as those who have less.  This experience made me reassess how I’ve been spending my time, my energy and my money.  I left Nepal with far more questions than answers, but it’s the questions we ask that keep us growing.  My hope is that living these questions will help to keep me awake, so I’ll never have to sleepwalk again.

Are there places in your life and leadership where you may be sleepwalking?  If so, where and how?  What are the bandages that if removed from your eyes, would enable you to see the riches you possess?  What are you most grateful for?  How can you pay that forward?

Filed Under: News

Making 2014 Your Year to Thrive

January 6, 2014 by Donna Stoneham

The poet Mary Oliver offers a powerful question in her poem, “The Summer Day.” She asks, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” Quite a fitting question to ask ourselves, particularly at the dawning of a new year.

I’ve been thinking about this question a lot these past few weeks. I spent the better part of the month of December traveling on a medical mission in Nepal and then on to India for the remainder of my trip. I stayed in Varanasi at a guest house on the Ganges River with a friend who’d come to India to write a book.

The things we saw and experienced in Varanasi broke my heart wide open. There was death, suffering and poverty all around us. There was simply no way to sanitize or deny what we saw and experienced. The suffering was raw, unfiltered and in your face. We witnessed bodies burning, corpses being carried through the streets on their way to the burning Ghats, children begging for rupees for dinner and hundreds of starving dogs foraging through garbage to survive.

Dancing in VaranasiAnd yet, in the midst of all the squalor and suffering, on our last morning, while eating breakfast on the rooftop terrace of our hotel, we noticed a little girl about nine or ten dancing with glee on a patio of a house a few hundred feet away.  She was in a pure state of bliss, and her joy was contagious.  In the midst of the misery all around her, she’d made a choice to really live, to discover a sense of beauty in the tragic.

When I arrived back in San Francisco on the final flight of my trip, I had a call that our dear friend Jay, who had battled cancer for over four years, had passed away.  I interviewed Jay last Easter for the final chapter of my book.  I wanted to capture his story because despite very challenging circumstances in his life, he was someone who’d learned how to thrive.  I coached Jay about 12 years ago and since his cancer diagnosis, I’d marveled at how he’d used his illness to express his purpose and make such a difference in so many lives.  As a buddy for people with cancer, as an advocate to resolve the shortage of generic drugs, and as a brother, uncle and friend, he had touched so many people.

In that interview when I asked Jay what thriving meant to him he said, “To me, thriving means to continue  learning, being aware and being engaged with the communities we are part of (family, friends, work, etc.) and to be optimistic in your view of life.  I also think that people who thrive have a general sense of contentment.  Being happy fluctuates, but contentment doesn’t have to.  Being content on a regular basis is what’s important.  Being of value to someone, to something or to some cause and expressing your purpose in life also contributes to thriving.”

He continued, “If you asked me whether I’d have chosen to go through this journey I’ve been on over the past few years, I have to say the answer is yes.  Of course, I’d prefer not to have cancer, but from both a personal and emotional perspective, it’s been a gift.  It’s forced me to let go of expectations and desires and live in the present and appreciate life in a much deeper way.”

Jay continued to speak about how deepening his sense of trust had been so instrumental in his journey.  He said, “I believe this journey is what I’ve been given and I trust it’s for the good.  I will probably die sooner than I’d like to, but I trust it’s for a reason.  Almost the minute I got diagnosed, I believed it was the path that I’d been given.”

What enabled Jay thrive was his commitment and focus on living fully, regardless of the time he had left.  “I’m pretty realistic,” he said, “That a cure probably won’t happen in my lifetime.  But I’d rather live two more great years than five crappy ones.”  And that, he did in spades.

The little dancing girl in Varanasi and my friend Jay are wonderful examples of people who made a choice to thrive, despite their conditions.  I am honored to have been touched so deeply by their wisdom.  And I am committed in 2014 to try not to waste one moment of this marvelous gift of life that I’ve been given.

As I close these thoughts today for the first blog post of the year, I’d like to leave you with a question ad an invitation:

What is one choice you can make or action you can take in 2014 that will help you thrive and more fully experience your one wild and precious life?   What difference do you want to make this year in your work, your family, and in the communities you serve?

Filed Under: News

The Thriver’s Edge

November 15, 2013 by Donna Stoneham

asheardonamerican108wIn this interview, featured on American Airlines in-flight radio, Donna Stoneham discusses Integral Intelligence® and her forthcoming book, “The Thriver’s Edge: Seven Keys to Transform the Way You Live, Love and Lead”.

 

Filed Under: Front Page

Unleash Your Power to Thrive™

November 1, 2013 by Donna Stoneham

THRIVING:  Unleashing our potential to grow, flourish and experience a sense of trust and well-being in ourselves, our work and lives so that we may deliver our greatest talents and capabilities.

A commitment to thriving is critical to leadership and sustainability in organizations.  A recent Gallup Survey reports that only 24% of adults in the world and 56% in the US believe they are thriving.¹ When they analyzed which states in the US led the nation in thriving, Gallup discovered two main factors separated those who considered themselves to be thriving: Positivity and Optimism.²  In 2013, Gallup also discovered that 87% of workers in the world and 71% in the US feel disengaged at work.³

This data has powerful implications for leaders, teams and organizations. When we thrive, we become exemplars and inspire those we influence to set a higher bar―to believe they can achieve and contribute their best and not settle for anything less than they are capable of becoming. When we are guided by self-insight, focus on leading from strengths and foster those skills in others, we create a ripple effect that makes our teams, organizations, families and world a better place.

Since 1993 our focus has been on helping leaders, teams and organizations unleash their power to thrive and add value for their stakeholders.  Through hundreds of executive coaching, leadership and team development programs; appreciative inquiries, and organization effectiveness engagements we’ve delivered to our clients, we had and will always have one driving mission―to make a positive impact in the lives of those we serve.

Thank you for taking the time to visit our site to learn more about us, our approach, and our services.  Please contact us to explore how we can help you, your team or your organization unleash your power to thrive!

¹ Nearly One in Four Worldwide Thriving:  Majorities in 17 out of 146 Countries Thriving, Gallup® World, April 10, 2012, by   Julie Ray

² Positivity and Optimism the Norm in “Thriving” U.S. States:  Hawaii Residents Lead the Nation; Optimistic Georgians, Texans and Louisianans Also Do Well, Gallup® Well-Being, April 1,2011, by Lymari Morales

³ Worldwide, 13% of Employees Are Engaged at Work: Low Workplace Engagement Offers Opportunities to Improve Business Outcomes, Gallup® World, October 13, 2013, by Steve Crabtree

 

Filed Under: Front Page

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Integral Executive Coaching

Hi, I’m Donna Stoneham. I’m an Executive Coach with over 20 years of experience coaching executives, high potential leaders and teams in the Fortune 1000. My mission is helping leaders, teams and organizations thrive.

Over the years I’ve had the honor of coaching hundreds of leaders, from Directors up through the C-level suite. And I've learned that there are times when we all need support. We need people who can help illuminate our blind spots, and ask us powerful questions that help raise our game. We need people we trust and who believe in our success. And that’s what I’m passionate about delivering.

As your Executive Coach, I use a holistic approach that supports you in engaging multiple sources of intelligence. I am committed to helping you access your power to thrive; expand your influence, effectiveness and engagement; and find enjoyment and satisfaction in your work and life.

Through our coaching partnership, you’ll clarify what you want to learn, transform and achieve, and we’ll design a road map to get there. You’ll deepen your self-insight and tackle obstacles. We’ll create sustainable change, and though at times it may feel challenging, I promise you’ll enjoy the journey. The result: you will emerge from the process a more effective leader and human being.

Contact me now to find out how I can help you thrive in both your work and your life.

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